if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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