um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
bring money and cleavage
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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