I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
