He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
