he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
