saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
