what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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