Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
