Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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