I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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