I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
