so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
