At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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