Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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