Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
