If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
