He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
