btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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