the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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