I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
