...so i touched it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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