I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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