Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That reminds me...we need to get swords
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
