Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
