The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
