so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
