im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
