It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
