I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
