if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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