He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
