We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
