Having a random hookup so left but love u
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
