so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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