I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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