TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
