i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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