yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
