His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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