True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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