Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
