I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
