Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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