The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
