I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
