South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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