Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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