Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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