just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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