I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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