i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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