Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
