I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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