she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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