My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
