her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
