what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
