Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
