i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
