his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
