Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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