I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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