Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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