I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
