Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
