sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
