You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
