Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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