you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
